


In a Moment

by Night_Bloom



Series: Clexa Prompts [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, after Lexa's death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-08-20 07:52:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8241901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Night_Bloom/pseuds/Night_Bloom
Summary: This scene is after Lexa's death and she's looking over her past with Clarke - their first kiss to be exact and her hopes for Clarke in the future.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a class and since it's been taking me a while to upload to my other story I thought I'd share it with you guys

Everything fades in and out here - I don’t know what's real anymore... memories of her float to me like pictures and video fragments of time - I know they’re real, even when nothing else seems to be, I know they are...they just have to be.

I remember her eyes, her hair, and her skin. Her eyes were deep pools of luminescent blue, shining against the darkness that surrounded us. The dark golden hue of her skin brought a sense of warmth to the crisp Autumn rain. Her hair - a bright golden blond that compared only to the sun in its radiance and beauty - catching the little light around us, absorbed it only to radiate it back, brighter than it had been before, it caused her to envelop the entire world.

And I remember the anger and fury she had held towards me, pushing me to change my mind, to change the way things were. I remember how much I’d wanted that - to change everything, grant her every wish and expel her anger towards me... or at least give it a new target. Funny even then I couldn’t bear to be the cause of her anger. Still that fire, that passion, her pushing me to do better - to be better - were just a few of the reasons I’d been so drawn to her, why she was who she was, and why I’d loved her.

Eventually, the memories always fade out - going in and out of focus becoming distorted and unreal. I can recall we talked, though about what I’m unsure… However, it doesn't matter now the details are inconsequential - because I remember the most important thing we talked about.

We’d talked of my people’s ways, and how they were so harsh and barbaric to her, but that it was how we’d survived so long, I remember her saying, “Maybe life should be about more than just surviving.” She’d paused then continued “Don’t we deserve better than that?” She’d turned her head away from me, as though I wouldn’t have understood. But I had. I’d known exactly what she’d meant and I’d wanted it so much - to have more than that war, to have more with her. I’d spoken without knowing my lips were moving, “Maybe we do.” 

In that moment my voice hadn’t been my own, but rather that of a stranger, who longed for more out of life than I’d always known mine would provide. She’d looked at me as though I had just moved oceans for her. That look had captivated me, and I’d moved through instinct - grasping the nape of her neck I leant forward and kissed her. And though around us a war had raged, people filled with anger and hungered for revenge - awaiting my orders for the attack - I hadn’t cared. I was inside that moment with her. That beautiful person with whom I had felt at home with, the light that had helped me see an end to the darkness. In that moment everything seemed to have faded away. Time stopped. We’d been free of obligation, duty, and consequence, but like the sweetest of things it had ended much too soon. Timing was never our strong suit you see.

There was always one reason or another as to why we could not be together. She’d told me that she was sorry, that she wasn’t ready, and left.

I remember standing there, staring at where she’d been, remembering how we just were. I looked up to the sky, looking for something, for what I can not recall - guidance, strength, perhaps hope - yes, I think it was hope - hope that someday it would be our time. But in the end it never really was.

More memories like that one - the ones when I was with her when I was happy and content... If only for a moment - come to me and I experience them all again, it is both a blessing and a curse. Some things I know were real - they must be - but other things I just couldn't tell anymore. Some things I wish could be real, for I did them differently and better than before- but these things are not real, and they can never be...not now. And this, this fact of everything remaining static and unchanging, this is what haunts me.

I am scared that my people - our people - will never know peace, but the thing that scares me the most is that she’ll never know peace...I want that so much for her, but I know that she will never let me go. In a way that makes me happy - to know that I will always be with her - but mostly it just makes me sad. To know that I have, and will, cause her so much pain...It is a worse torment, to watch her pain and have no power to change it than to never talk or feel the warm touch of her skin again.


End file.
